Friday, July 1, 2011

Alone

Sometimes I really think I'm not cut out for this mom thing.

Especially in the homeschooling community, it feels like a mom is supposed to relish each and every moment, each and every hug, each and every goofy story...  and I don't.  (Go ahead.  Gasp.  I'll wait...)

People seem to be in one of two camps.  Mom needs "me time" (and lots of it!) or a good mom always puts her families needs ahead of her own.

I'm in the middle.  I love my kids.  I spend a whole lot of time with my kids.  But yikes, I find being around them constantly to be incredibly draining.  I need time for me, I just do.  Otherwise I hit the point where I want to (and sometimes do) lash out at them and tell them Not. To. Touch. Me. Again.

So this morning, I went to work with my husband, and took the car, stranding him there.  I'm writing this from McDonald's, where I am enjoying a Caramel Frappe.  At a booth.  Alone.  Nobody is touching me, nobody is talking to me.  Occasionally someone walks by and smiles.  Like the sweet little old lady in the booth next to me.

And I can feel myself recharging.


I posted what I was up to as a status on Facebook.  And I got a lot of response from homeschool moms (you know who you are) affirming me, or telling me they are jealous.  So I know that I am not alone (pun not intended!) in this...  It does make me feel more normal.

It isn't like I don't get some time alone.  But looking back over the month of June, most of my "alone time" was spent doing things like sitting at the DMV or sitting at a car repair place.  While it is time where nobody is touching me, it most definitely does nothing towards recharging me.  Quite the opposite.  It makes me more tense and stressed.

The reason I get this time today is because the post office wasn't yet open, nor was the library, and I want to hit those before I drive to Pueblo to buy crickets and mealworms, and pick up our CSA.  That means I have a couple of hours to kill before I start doing all the errands and running around.

The plan for this morning was to do some school planning.  Stuff is sitting in the computer bag beside me.  Once I got here, I decided, though, that while the planning needs to be done, right now this time is mine...  and I know that I am putting my family's needs out front.  My family needs a recharged mom.  Way, way more than they need a perfectly planned school year.

I think that I am going to plan to do the errands, and come back here before I have to pick up my husband.  To spend another $4 on a coffee.  And to just sit AGAIN.  I'll comment on this post if I get to do that...

Until then, I hope YOU are able to find a time to recharge this weekend.  In whatever way works for you.

6 comments:

Michelle Smith said...

I completely understand. Sometimes I (gasp!) go to the library withOUT my children! I pick up books which I request for them for school and often pick up books for them to read without their input. I use some good book lists, or know the series they like.

Just so I can be alone for an hour or two, as I usually combine it with another necessary errand.

Lori said...

I'm right there with you in the middle. I love hanging out with my kids, it's my favorite part of homeschooling, but I love me time too. And now that my kids are older I have more time to recharge when needed.

So glad you have this time to recharge! :-)

Our Homeschool Reviews said...

I feel the same way. We all need our alone time! I usually have grandparents come over but the past two weeks have been too hectic. I'm needing a mom's night out (which I may get next week). :) Hope you enjoyed your time.

musicalmary said...

I agree with you 100%, I am going out to dinner with girlfriends tonight to recharge!

Kelly said...

Totally hear you! I have found lately I have misplaced my "me time" to recharge. I haven't been reading or doing things I enjoy or just ... sitting. I love my kiddos and couldn't imagine life without them, but it seems lately all I do is clean, cook, and teach. Thanks for the encouragement! (and for hosting the Scavenger Hunt and hiding Edna!)

Deanna said...

I loved reading this post. I thought I was the only one who felt this way.

I usually go to bed at night before my husband. I have started to cherish that little piece of time because I am totally alone and no one talks to me. Recently my husband has started to come in to sit and talk. After about four nights of this I burst into tears and I told him, "I don't want to talk to you. You have 23 hours and 40 minutes. Give me this 20. PLEASE!"

I promise I explained more in depth the next day, but man I lost it that night.

Being a homeschool mom is amazing, but you definitely need time to recharge!